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11 Things Not to Do When You’re Kissing

Teaching old dog’s new tricks.

[50 – 20/12]. I just love kissing. You will then ask me, who doesn’t. Let me tell you, a lot of guys suck at kissing. So what do we do with the bad kissers, or what I called the eager ones who think they kiss great. Sighs. Yes, I sigh first. And then I proceed to teach my man how to kiss me. Let’s hope for my own barest sanity that this guy can kiss right!

It used to be thought that people closed their eyes while sharing a kiss because their vision could not focus on something as close as the other person’s face. But scientists have rejected that theory, finding that the brain is unable to cope with the combination of the visual data and the tactile sensation of kissing. Psychologists at Royal Holloway University, in London, demonstrated that completing a demanding visual task reduces the ability to comprehend touch.

In this art called K-I-S-S-I-N-G, there are more of don’ts than dos. You think you’re just being a pro at it but might end up doing something sadly not-so-pro-like. First or hundredth, a kiss should always be perfect. In order not to regret the post Oral Union Session, check if you are making any of these 11 kissing blunders and obviously, stop making them henceforth, at least.

Oh well. Sighs. Here’s the 11:

1. Don’t Go Overboard With The Tease Game

Creating expectations and doing the unexpected is a foolproof method of making things spicy. Be careful not to go overboard, though. It makes you look unnecessarily playful even if you are actually serious about the two of you. When you are slowly getting to know each other physically, mellow down with experiments. Slight teasing is extremely stimulating but is not welcomed by everyone. Go ahead if you think it is working but stop before it becomes annoying or even offensive. Tease but don’t forget to always please!

2. Kiss. Don’t Smother

You are all passionate and want your kiss to be really invigorating. Who doesn’t want that, after all? But channelize the vigor into something more pleasurable than causing discomfort and unpleasantness. Don’t be too intense to the extent of strangling each other. This could appear intimidating and makes you look aggressive. If aggressive is not their thing, it could turn them off or outright make them reluctant to continue things with you.

3. Don’t Chew Like It’s Some Gum

The teeth play a pivotal role in everything that has to do with the mouth. Now, that holds true both for eating and kissing. But they are not synonymous, please. Gently nibble and bite, particularly the lower lip – it really gives that sultry touch to the whole affair. Just refrain from chewing and munching. Also, be thoughtful before going over to hard biting and hickeys. Some find it arousing while some find it annoying. It apparently looks like quite a bit of analysis and calculation, but in reality, it is all about finding the cues and taking the lead.

4. Don’t Stretch It For Too Long

A never-ending smooch – sounds like a teenage fantasy. You will end up looking like a rookie if you go on and on. Give brief breaks. It just makes them want to have more and more of it. Remember, you are not here to break some kissing records. Take bolder and more confident moves. Explore beyond just the archetypal French style. You could switch positions and get creative, like, say the Spiderman Style. Do something, but not just the same digging endlessly into each others’ mouths.

5. Don’t Smell Like An Onion

You don’t get to smell like an onion even if you aren’t kissing. Anyway even if you take your oral odor for granted usually, don’t even think of it when something like kissing is on the cards. Unless you are nuts and want to drive the one you are going to kiss away, you wouldn’t want to do that. So, you put on the best of your perfumes, light the sweetest smelling candles and then puff! An onion! Not quite going with the theme, does it?

6. Don’t Grope. Venturing Is Fine

Something like that? Your hands going all over the place – it is just erotic. But, there’s a but. Sometimes your partner is not ready for that yet or maybe is too sensitive to the extent of feeling uncomfortable. Also, the Michelin tires and the love handles are something you’d rather not touch because it can make them conscious and spoil the moment for both of you. AND check how comfortable the other one is with your hands creeping into all possible crevices. It might be a little too much for one time and is a big turn-off if the other person feels it creepy, desperate, or just plain inappropriate. Wait till you get there!

7. I Know You’re Wet. Stop The Saliva Overproduction

Wetness is nice. Not strings of saliva hanging from each other’s faces after you are done kissing. The faint smell of the saliva is quite arousing but unless you want to keep it messy and really dirty don’t overdo things with the saliva. This is also one of the reasons why you should take brief breaks and gulp down the excess saliva in your mouth. There’s an additional bonus to this; you could get all oomphy and noisy with the sensual gasping and gulping. It makes it impetuous for the game to go on in full swing!

8. Don’t Wander. Be In The Moment

Nothing is more off-putting than a distracted partner. I mean, at least while kissing. If you could actually think of your pending bills when you are about to kiss someone, you’d rather not kiss. Isn’t it nice to just absorb yourself with the kissing first? Worse still, thinking of someone else while kissing. All this is not serving the purpose anyway. Get back home and kiss your pillow, instead!

9. Don’t Make It Too Much Of Doggy Style. Put That Tongue In

You know, generally speaking, dogs are amazing. Doggy style? Even more amazing. But kissing like that? Put that tongue in for god’s sake. Play with the tongue a bit. It accentuates the feel of the kiss but don’t stick that out and ruin an otherwise perfect kiss. Slide it all over your partner’s tongue and go wild but just remember to be subtle. I know, I sound contradictory but that’s the beauty. Somewhere between wild and subtle!

10. Don’t Be Monotonous

You could and I think should, after a while, go beyond smooching. For the variety of things you could do while kissing, the sky’s the limit. Keep bringing in variations. You could slow down and increase the pace when least expected. Surprises, in this case, drive people crazy. Go over to the jaw, the neck, the ears, and to the nape. Also, look for receptivity and kiss longer in places where you find the maximum reaction.

11. Don’t Keep Them Chapped

I mean, you are kissing and not rubbing your partner’s lips with sandpaper. There’s a difference, you see. Make sure you are neat, smell good, and feel smooth before you jump into the endeavor. Also, when you take care of these little things, it makes the other person feel wanted. Hey, don’t postpone your lip care regimen thinking there’s no one other than you who would lick ‘em anyway. You just never know. Isn’t that a nice reason to put some yummy chapstick on?

Disclaimer: All the above “don’ts” don’t apply if getting nasty and kinky is what you are looking for! Go ahead and explore all the dingy lanes – rules don’t apply there!

The thing is kissing is about enjoying each other. The appetiser of the meal. If you get that right from the start, the rest is history I say. However if it’s terrible, check in with your partner on how to make it work. Discovering how to bring pleasure to your partner with kissing is like opening a new realm of providing pleasure to the one person who matters the most right now in your life. That sure makes a big deal to get the bloody kissing right. Take it as training to bring ecstasy to the one person you called “partner in crime”. So go on, be adventurous, be open and be great at it. It sure is worth it!

And then, goddamn you got me in love again.